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I often get asked, “What does it actually feel like to have ADHD?” It’s a tough question because when I talk about the hard parts like lack of organization, time blindness, and forgetting things, I often get this empty nod. It’s like the person is thinking, “Yeah, we all struggle with that from time to time. What makes you so special?”
The Unique Struggles of ADHD
One thing I do know that’s unique about the ADHD experience is the unpredictability and inconsistency around how we show up. Yes, we struggle with certain things because of executive function differences, but that’s not really how I define what ADHD feels like. To me, it’s about the randomness of how our energy shows up on any given day. Our performance is completely inconsistent from one day to the next.
We know what we’re capable of. We know we’re smart and can do things, but the execution piece is often missing. There’s an energetic gap around execution that sometimes makes it really hard to do what we know we need to do. This inconsistency leads to a lack of self-trust. We can’t even rely on ourselves to show up and do something when it matters.
The Inconsistency That Defines ADHD
For me, this inconsistency is the defining feature of ADHD, and it’s this lack of reliability that impacts our lives on multiple levels.
For example, I hate having appointments and commitments on my calendar because when I commit to something, I might be feeling high energy and good at the moment, but I have no idea how I’ll feel when it’s time to show up. This inability to predict our energy levels is a major challenge.
Living with Unpredictable Energy
Our unpredictable energy can lead to us being labeled as lazy, flaky, or untrustworthy, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s not that we’re intentionally being that way; it’s that our energy is incredibly unreliable. However, when we do have optimal energy, we can really shine. We’re creative, dynamic, and often able to hyperfocus and get things done quickly when everyone else is in chaos.
So this great energy shows up unpredictability and sporadically, proving that we can do things, but also signaling to others that we’re not living up to our potential because we’re not working hard enough to stay at that level of performance. This dynamic makes us extra sensitive to comments from others, whether it’s calling us names like lazy or the unhelpful advice to just try harder. This can lead to rejection-sensitive dysphoria, where any perceived negative feedback can crush our spirits for days.
The Paradox of ADHD: High Potential and Low Follow-Through
The worst part about ADHD is knowing that we’re capable of so much more. When I’m in a high-energy mode, I make commitments and decisions that seem totally reasonable. But when it comes time to follow through, if I’m having a low-energy day, it feels so much worse. I can either muscle through and completely exhaust myself or say no and disappoint myself or others.
This dynamic defines the ADHD experience for me. It’s not just about struggling with executive functions; it’s about the unpredictability of our energy and the resulting inconsistency in our lives. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do to manage it.
Managing ADHD Energy for Better Consistency
Despite the challenges, there are ways to manage our energy and show up more consistently. It’s not about finding specific tips or tricks but about adopting a growth mindset and learning how to manage our state, which determines the quality of our energy. This means understanding who we are, our curiosities, interests, unique needs and strengths, and designing our lifestyle around them.
Lifestyle Design
Understanding yourself and your own nuances is crucial. Knowing what captures your curiosity for the long haul can help you find the right job, environment, and people to surround yourself with. This makes a big impact on your ability to manage your energy.
It also means being intentional about the relationships you cultivate in your life. If you surround yourself with people who get you (like, other ADHD’ers), then you’ll feel less alone in your struggle with unpredictable energy. We all get it!
Self-Care Is the Secret to Great Energy Management
Managing your state comes down to self-care habits that regulate your nervous system. This includes sleep, diet, exercise, and consumption habits.
- Sleep: Quality sleep is crucial. There’s ample research showing how important sleep is for overall cognition and energy levels. If you’re having trouble going to bed or not getting quality sleep, it’s likely affecting your state.
- Diet: The food you eat impacts your physical state and mood. Personally, I know that eating gluten negatively affects my digestion, which in turn impacts my mood and ability to focus. Ensuring that the food in your house supports your health can make a big difference.
- Exercise: Physical activity is a quick way to improve your state. When my digestion is off, my energy levels are lower, making it harder to work out, which I know is essential for my well-being.
- Consumption Habits: Be mindful of what you consume, especially on social media and news. Negative content can drag you down. Curating your feeds and avoiding negative people can help maintain a positive state.
Focusing on Managing Your State
It’s essential to manage your state rather than focusing on specific traits and behaviors. Unlike behaviors that can change, your state determines your energy quality and how you show up, and it’s influenced by your emotional and physical well-being. So building self-care habits to manage your overall wellbeing helps you regulate your emotions and maintain focus.
Bottom line, by managing your state, your energy becomes more predictable, and positive behaviors become more consistent.
Thank you for reading, and I wish you the best state possible today! If you found this helpful, please share it with others who might benefit from understanding and managing their ADHD energy.
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