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Character Strengths + Values: The Secret Sauce for ADHD

September 12, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

Character Strengths Resources Mentioned in this Podcast

PERMA test (stands for Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships and Meaning Assessment)
Via Character Strengths
Personal Values Inventory
340 Ways to Use the Via Character Strengths

What are Character Strengths?

Character strengths are truly the essence of who you are. They encapsulate how you show up in the world, either in relationship with others, or all by yourself. Your character strengths are at the core of your personality.
That said, character is malleable and can change over time based on seasons of life, the roles you play and the responsibilities you show up for every day.

How are Character Strengths Different from Values?

Your values are what you hold most important. That said, your values don’t always align with the things you are currently spending your time and energy on. For example, you may value your health and wellness, but you rarely workout and lately you’ve been eating and sleeping poorly. This may be a temporary circumstance – ie, you are traveling for work so the value misalignment will correct itself when you get back home, or it may be a longer term misalignment that happened slowly and unintentionally.

Either way, if you’re not living your values, this can lead to results you don’t want or a life you don’t enjoy.

Character strengths are different. They are less about what you do and more about how you show up, such as being a natural born leader, or having persistence and grit in everything you take on. These are the ways you approach everything you do, and it’s often largely unconscious.

Character Strengths, Values & ADHD

THere’s an important thread that weaves character strengths, values and the ADHD brain together. As we know, ADHD brains hyperfocus on what’s interesting to them. They only suffer a deficit of attention when they are uninterested in the topic or task.

Furthermore, ADHD adults struggle with self-awareness, so the process of understanding their unique strengths and values is a critical step in learning who they are, and where they thrive. With that, it is so important for adults with ADHD to take the time to know what drives them (values) and how they can draw from their character strengths to make the most of their interests.

How to Identify your Personal Values

I’ve written about this before and it can start with a very basic process of looking at a list of value statements and identifying what resonates. But a big part of that process is narrowing down the top three values that define your deepest attachments. We all have limited time, energy and resources to invest in what we care about the most, so knowing the top 3 to 5 without question, is really the important work.

The best tool I’ve come across to identify and prioritize your values is the Personal Values Assessment. I recommend taking this quick assessment and working through the prioritization exercise. It’s fast, simple and free.

How to identify your Character Strengths

The best way to evaluate your character strengths is through the Via Character Strengths Assessment tool, designed by Martin Seligman and a team of researchers at Penn State University. This is the most comprehensive test that evaluates our most common strengths across humanity, regardless of race, gender, culture or religion.

There are 24 Character Strengths in the profile, and it’s important to note that every human has these strengths. However, it’s the top 5 to 7 strengths that truly define who we are at the point in life when the test is taken. Our strengths are developed based on our upbringing, beliefs, circumstance and life roles, so they can change over time and we can intentionally work to develop areas that are less prominent or underused.

You can take the Via Character Assessment here. It takes about 20 minutes to complete, but it’s free and your scores will be saved in your profile. I encourage you to take the test every 3 to 5 years and see if there are shifts.

character strengths brain — Pin for Later

Putting Character Strengths and Values in Action

Once you have this data, take some time to think about how it shows up for you in your life when you’re at your best, and perhaps at your weakest moments. If you are an ADHD adult who is accustomed to having their weaknesses and flaws pointed out to them, this is your opportunity to look at what’s best about you. How you shine and flourish.

In terms of your values, think about whether or not the values you identified in your assessment align with how you’re spending your time and energy. Does your credit card statement reflect your values? How about your calendar?

For example, if you value health and fitness, but you spend your money on happy hours and take out food, and you don’t schedule time for the gym, that’s a value that’s strongly out of alignment.

If the idea of bringing it back into alignment seems hard or boring, think about your top character strengths and how you can use them to encourage yourself. If your strengths are kindness and gratitude, ask yourself if you’re being kind to yourself with your current choices? How can you express more gratitude for your body? What would being kinder to yourself and your body look like?

Building Character & Aligning Values

So now that you have the fundamentals of how to identify your strengths and values, you can start to make choices that are in alignment with what you truly care about, and show up in a way that reflects your authentic strengths.

As an ADHD adult, this will serve you in your self care, your work and your relationships. When you start to peel away the things that don’t matter to you or start saying no to things that don’t support your strengths, you can transform your life, career, body, marriage and relationship with yourself.

Need Help Aligning Your Strengths & Values?

If this feels like something you could use help with, then consider coaching with me. Very often it’s hard to look at ourselves objectively or see opportunities beyond our current set of beliefs. Coaching can not only help you understand where you thrive, it can help you see what’s possible and map a path to get there.

ADHD in Women: How Symptoms Show Up in Adulthood

August 8, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

For most adult women who grew up in the 60s, 70s and 80s, ADHD was not a “thing”. Schools didn’t know that girls who struggled to pay attention could be suffering from ADHD. Instead they were viewed as disorganized, lazy or not very smart.

As a result, many women remain undiagnosed until later in life. Very often, adult women learn about their ADHD when they are seeking a diagnosis for a child, or going through therapy. Sometimes, it’s menopause that kicks us out of our long-held coping mechanisms and all of a sudden we can’t remember where we put anything and we can’t seem to finish anything we start.

Regardless of how you come to know that you have ADHD, once you find out, everything changes.

I will write more about the stages of emotionally processing an ADHD diagnosis, because it definitely has an impact. While you might be grateful to know that you weren’t simply lazy and stupid, you tend to look back at your life and wonder how things could have been different if you had known a lot sooner.

Either way, time is needed to heal those emotions and come to a place of acceptance before looking at what’s next.

How ADHD shows up in women

There is no gender bias when it comes to ADHD. It’s not more heavily weighted toward boys than girls, but the detection and diagnosis is often higher in boys because they tend to be more hyperactive than girls.

So with that, I compiled a list of possible symptoms that are specific for adult women, adapted from ADDitude Magazine. Do any of them ring true for you?

ADHD Symptoms in Adult Women – By ADDitude Magazine

Do you feel overwhelmed in stores, at the office, in loud restaurants or at parties? Is it impossible for you to shut out sounds and distractions that don’t bother others?
Is time, money, paper, or “stuff” dominating your life and hampering your ability to achieve your goals?
Do you often experience an energetic depletion in the middle of the day? To the point where one more problem might put you over the edge?
Are you spending most of your time coping, looking for things, catching up, or covering up? Do you avoid people because of this?
Have you stopped having people over to your house because you’re ashamed of the mess? Do you avoid hosting dinners at your house because the thought completely overwhelms you?
Do you have trouble managing your finances
Do you feel like you’re always at one end of a deregulated activity spectrum — either a couch potato or a tornado?
Do you feel that you have better ideas than other people but are unable to organize them or act on them?
Do you start each day determined to get organized, and end each day feeling defeated?
Have you watched others of equal intelligence and education pass you by?
Do you despair of ever fulfilling your potential and meeting your goals?
Have you ever been thought of as selfish because you forget birthdays and anniversaries?
Do you look at other people and wonder how they seem to get through life so easily while you struggle?
Are you called “a slob” or “spacey?” Are you “passing for normal?” Do you feel as if you are an impostor?
Is all your time and energy taken up with coping, staying organized, and holding it together, with no time for fun or relaxation?
Do you often feel burned out and lack energy for things you used to enjoy doing?

These are all feelings that someone with ADHD might experience. So while it’s not a formal diagnostic test, it’s a good way to gauge whether or not you might want to seek a diagnosis.

The tricky thing is that most of us can feel any of these triggers at any time in our lives. So how can you distinguish between an ADHD brain, or just a rough patch in life where you have too much on the go?

My best advice is to be honest with yourself. If the examples above seem to illustrate how you feel most of the time, it’s a good indication that you could be dealing with ADHD, or something else like anxiety or depression. Either way, it’s worth investigating, because you don’t have to live this way and help is available.

Starting down the path to an ADHD Diagnosis

Start with a few online tests if you’re curious, but never consider this a replacement for a formal diagnosis. If you do want to explore an online test, the World Health Organization recognizes the Adult Self Reported Scale Screener (ADRS test) and it’s free. I don’t recommend doing paid tests through websites as you may end up having to go through more screening down the road.

Everyone Experiences ADHD Differently

I think it’s worth pointing out that everyone’s experience of ADHD, and how it shows up for them is different. For that reason, I recommend exploring ADHD communities with a mindset that just because other people struggle in certain areas, it doesn’t have to be the case for you.

You may encounter people who are hoarders, or that get fired from every job they get because they always show up late and that may not be your situation at all (it’s certainly not mine). I say this because as you start to learn more about ADHD, you will see different levels of human behavior that are no reflection of you, or your potential. We’re all our own snowflakes and we’re all capable of greatness in our own right.

Focus on your unique strengths – Via Character Strengths Test

All of us, regardless of our brain make up, only has so much time and energy in a day to devote to being a good human. If you have ADHD, it’s critical to know your strengths so that you can illuminate them as much as possible. To ensure you’re directing your energy in the right place, I recommend finding out your unique set of strengths at Via Character Strengths (it’s a free test) and spend some time thinking about how you can bring them into more areas of your life and focus less on aspects of life that drain or deplete you.

How to get what you want (without effort)

July 28, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

How to get what you really want is a juicy topic, so grab a glass of cab and settle in. It’s a powerful concept and it works!

Desire is a funny thing.

It directs our intentions and actions, but it also comes with a ton of baggage. We desire things/people/experiences and therefore we attach an expectation to the actions we take to get what we want.

We desire a strong, fit body so we work out regularly and eat well and therefore should expect a brilliant physique to appear.

But maybe it doesn’t.

Then we get upset.

We push harder

We workout more

We restrict more

The more we push, restrict and workout, the less progress we see. But why?

Because progress can’t happen when it’s up against powerful resistance.

—> progress —> | <— resistance <—

All that pushing and restricting is really just resistance and resistance is the antithesis of progress and flow.

So how do you get what you want?

Listen to your heart, do what feels right and let go of the outcome.

Trust that it will happen if it’s supposed to happen.

Trust the process and move on with your life.

It’s the same as saving money, building a business or creating a work of art. You have to let it come from a place of desire, but not from expectation. Because as Patanjali has assured us, we’re entitled to the work, but we’re not entitled to the fruits of our labor.

So if you can’t push, what can you do instead?

Take action toward your goals, but don’t force it.
Do what feels good then trust that it’s enough.
Make your effort about the journey, not the destination.
Enjoy the process. Don’t white knuckle it.
Be focused and diligent in your action, but then step back and trust that the seeds are planted and that they just need time and space to grow.
Focus on cultivating positive energy. This, along with gratitude will bring you close to your goals.

BTW, the rate of growth is not up to you.

It’s up to the universe.

woman putting her hand out getting what she wants

Get What You Want Without Efforting

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t go for what it is you want, but I am suggesting that you take action that flows. Don’t do things that don’t feel aligned or true to you. That never works. And when the day is done and your head hits the pillow, trust that you’ve done your part. Leave the rest to divine intervention.

This may sound a little woo-woo, (and it is), but it’s also the process of change. It’s managing resistance while taking inspired action toward a desired future state. It’s formulaic and it works.

Next Steps |

Grab your journal and ask yourself – what is it that you truly want? At the top of the page, write down the one thing you want more than anything else right now. That thing you’ve been efforting towards.
Then, draw a vertical line down the middle of the page. On the left side of the page, write down all the things you’re doing right now to achieve it (it might be a lot, or it might be nothing!) This will be an eye-opener.
On the right side of the page, write down all the ways you can take inspired action, from the heart. If the list on the left doesn’t feel good to you, leave it there and only focus on what you’ve got on the right side of the page.

Use this method to influence your approach to health and fitness, relationships, work, and finances. Regardless of what your goal is, this framework will help you create positive change. Trust me, it WORKS!

Your Internal Narrative Drives Your Results – This is a MUST READ

July 24, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

I watched this video today that talked about how our internal narrative determines who we become as people. It’s also a frighteningly accurate measure of how successful you’re going to be at pretty much anything, including:

Career
Romance
Health and fitness
Finances

I actually did my master’s thesis on the development of personal identity through blogging. How and what we share in social media can influence who we are because we become what we focus on, but we can hinder that process if we don’t truly believe we’re worthy or capable of becoming that what we desire.

In my own life I’ve struggled with every aspect I’ve listed above. I was never a good student (thanks to undiagnosed ADHD) so I felt as though I wasn’t destined to be much (and I’m pretty sure my parents felt that way as well). It wasn’t until I went back to school as a mature student did I surprise myself by actually being academically inclined and a gifted writer.

I never thought I’d find a quality guy, especially when I was much younger and heavier. I was never treated well by men, and I gave too much of myself because that’s what I thought I had to do to be loved. I am sad to admit, I was well into my 30’s before I learned my own value and power in romantic relationships. On a more positive note, I’ve been happily married to the same wonderful man for more than 12 years now!

Internal Narratives Around Money

Finances was a tricky one for me to learn because growing up we didn’t have a lot. I never knew what living a comfortable life meant, and I often still struggle with the idea of having more than enough financially. It’s been a lifetime of work believing that I’m worthy of the money I make and the things I’ve accumulated. I am still a work in progress on this one, as I still fear being homeless and broke, even though I’m financially independent.

I think this is the perfect example of how narratives have more power than reality. You can have all the money you need to live a comfortable life, and yet still fear that it’s not enough. We do this with our money, and we do it with our own self-worth.

Internal Narratives Around Body Image

Health and fitness has been the journey of internal narrative transformation that has taken me the longest to get through. From being an overweight teen who NEVER wanted to do sports, I had a narrative that I just wasn’t athletic from a very young age. It’s taken me years to overcome this idea.

I was also a smoker, binge drinker, over 200lbs for a long time and ate the crappiest food I could find. That took 20 years to fix. It didn’t have to, but I’m a slow learner and I didn’t have the personal development, social support or role models that I have now.

From where I stand now, I’m a completely different person. I’m healthy, fit and I prefer good food over junk. I choose to take care of myself because it’s my preference, not my obligation.
How did I get there? Literally, one step at a time.

How to Change your Internal Narrative

Find role models who demonstrate what’s possible

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve caught myself thinking that I’m too old to be fit, or start something new. These are popular ideas in culture, but they’re not mine, and I’m always looking for evidence that it’s not true. Instagram has become my catalogue of women who are older than I am (by 10 years or more) doing things I want to do. When ever I feel that thought creep up into my awareness – I look to my army of women who demonstrate the opposite.

If you do nothing else – do this step, especially if you’re a visually oriented person.

Do intentional thought work

This is an entire topic of it’s own, but at it’s essence, thought work is looking at your beliefs and examining them as they come up. As I mentioned in the example above, when I notice a thought about being too old to do something, I immediately challenge that thought and look for real life examples to realign my brain to what’s true – that I’m not too old.

This technique requires that we stay conscious of our thoughts so that we can actually challenge them, rather than let them run wild in our heads like a toddler with a knife. Journalling, meditation, coaching and years of learning have helped me build my consciousness muscle and it’s never too late to start.

If you want to dive into some simple, but powerful thought work, I recommend Byron Katie’s process which is appropriately called “The Work”. If you need more evidence on the power of changing your thoughts – this video is a real eye-opener.

Take any action you can

Take a walk, buy running shoes, read fitness blogs like this, follow three new people on social media who emulate who you’d like to become (and don’t make you feel bad about who you are right now) and go to bed early tonight. None of these things are going to move the needle much at first, but anything you can do to start adopting the behaviors of a fit person, (or whatever person you want to be) is going to start to accumulate. Eventually, no matter how unnatural it feels to behave in these new ways, you will eventually lean into it. The key here is baby steps!! If you do too much at once, you’ll snap back to your old internal stories quickly.

Find a supportive community (Warning Label for ADHD’ers)

This probably won’t be in your immediate circle, because they clearly haven’t influenced you to grow yet, but it’s not as hard as you think to find a new tribe. Facebook groups are awesome. Search groups on Facebook that reflect where you want to go. Running for low carb eaters? Weight lifting for vegans? It’s all out there. Just search for it.

ADHD Warning: There are a ton of great online communities for adults with ADHD. However, if you are newly diagnosed and you’re just starting to learn about the condition, I recommend learning more from books and coaches before diving into peer-groups.

Every person with ADHD has a different experience and some are far more capable of managing their lives than others. Some groups tend to focus on the negatives which isn’t helpful, especially when you’re in the process of forming your internal narrative about your ADHD diagnosis.

Stick with positive and credible sources of support until you’ve gotten comfortable with your own ADHD narrative.

Invest in something.

Put your money where your mind is. If you want to grow, find a coach, take a class, join a group, buy some new clothes, sign up for a race. If you invest money in your desire, you’re 10x more likely to stick with it. We don’t walk away from things we spend our hard earned money on because we perceive it as more valuable.

Set your expectations lower than you’d like to.

Stretch goals are great, dreaming big is awesome in theory, but if you set your sights too high, you will be disappointed, and likely give up before you’re ready to. Don’t do that. Set small, immediate goals. Don’t think about losing 50lbs in 6 months, break that down and think about the 2lbs you need to lose this week in order to reach that goal in 6 months. It’s far more tangible and urgent and you will be more likely to make changes in the moment.

Write a note to your future self.

Let her (or him) tell you what you need to know right now. Write as though you’ve already accomplished your goals and become the person you want to be. That future self will be able to tell you what’s most important, what to watch out for, and what to do in moments of weakness or doubt. I can tell you that stuff too, but it’s way more powerful when it comes from within. I did this exercise today and it really impacted my thinking.

Expect to be always evolving.

When you climb a hill, very often you think you’re approaching the summit, only to find that there’s another peak in the distance. Our personal growth and internal narrative is no different. As your impression of yourself improves, your projection of your future self will change. As you see what you’re capable of, your goals will be set higher and you’ll continue to achieve new levels of confidence and belief in yourself. That doesn’t mean you don’t take moments to reflect on how far you’ve come, but it does mean that your idea of success and achievement will continue to be a moving target (at least, it’s like that for most of us). Just commit to loving yourself in the moment as you continue to gently push yourself forward.

Good luck!

ADHD Burnout & Passion Projects: When your dreams take you down.

July 22, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

I could write a novel about ADHD burnout, specifically related to passion projects. You rarely hear of ADHD people complain about burning out at jobs they don’t like, because they struggle to find the motivation to even get started!

Passion projects, side hustles, and newly seeded dream careers on the other hand, are capable of robbing you of your physical and mental wellness because you have an abundance of attention that’s often unharnessed.

A Burnout of your own making

The reason ADHD passion burnout is different than career burnout is that the pressure is entirely self-induced. We are typically pushing ourselves too hard rather than being pushed by a manager or boss. Said differently, passion burnout is entirely of our own making.

I’ve seen this in the work I do with ADHD entrepreneurs, and fellow authors and bloggers. We’re all passionate folks, trying to make a name for ourselves and an impact on the world, but by taking on too much, we drown in a sea of our own unrealistic expectations.

We spend out energy in 100 different directions because we see other people’s success as a model for what’s possible and we try to model all of it. What we don’t see however, is how long it took to create that success and how much support others have contributed to the effort, and what part of it they focused on specifically.

When Hustle & Grind Doesn’t Work

Speaking from personal experience, in the past 13 years of writing, coaching and teaching, I have driven to the brink of passion burnout several times (oh, the irony!). I tend to hyper-focus and push too hard because I have goals, dreams and let’s be honest here – I see the platitudes shared on social media about hustling and grinding and I tell myself that’s what I must do to succeed!

But it never works.

So instead of meeting with success, I direct my energy in too many unintentional directions and ultimately burnout and complete creative exhaustion around a process I used to love.

Fortunately, I’ve been able to bring myself back from the brink of passion burnout by pouring back into myself, all the joy, love and energy I drained out of myself in the grind and hustle process. What I’ve learned the hard way is that hustle culture might be great for some folks (and all the power to them if that’s true), but for the ADHD brain, we need to pause, and really consider where our energy is best spent.

So based on my own experience combined with the growing research that we’re seeing around the increasing cases of burnout syndrome, I have some ideas for those of you who are pushing hard and getting nowhere but tired and disappointed.

Hear me on this, friends – I know ya’ll have dreams you want to see come to fruition, but if your energy isn’t focused on the tasks that will make the biggest impact, then you’re going to push yourself too hard.

How to Recover from ADHD Burnout

Start by re-evaluating what you’re going after.

Many ADHD passion seekers move in the general direction of what they’re looking for, but aren’t 100% sure exactly what it is. They’ll know when they get there, they say. But take it from someone who has done this – you won’t know. In fact, you’re probably so busy running in “general directions” that you have no time or awareness to stop and say – is this it?

Honestly, when was the last time you stopped to ask yourself – does this path feel right for me? Is it aligned with my strengths, interests and values?

If you haven’t, now is your chance to do that. Don’t just think about your final destination – think about the journey. Is it what you want?

When you have clarity, but it’s still not working in your favor.

Now it’s time to take stock of your beliefs. Take out a piece of paper or your journal and write down all the reasons why you know you’ll never get what you want (trust me on this). Be very specific about all the reasons why it won’t work, especially for you. Be exhaustive with your limitations – either real or imagined. List them all.

Once you’re done, you now have documented list of all the personal thought work you need to clear through before you reach your goal. One by one, you need to ask yourself – is this limiting belief 100% true? If so, list the evidence. If you have legitmiate reasons why you’re blocked, now is the time to start working through those blocks.

This is much easier to do with the help of a coach.

You don’t have to stop working towards your goal as you do your thought work, but if you don’t make a point of working through all your limiting blocks as well, you will continue spin your wheels.

Don’t underestimate the power of internal resistance to getting what you want. The more you try and push against your resistance instead of resolving it, the faster you’ll meet your point of burnout. I know this from experience!

Stop doing everything.

This is a critical business lesson for everyone, but especially if you’re ADHD. The reason we hit these mental brick walls is that we’re trying to do all the things. Burnout happens when we compromise ourselves to the point where we have nothing left to give.

Where are you doing this to yourself?

If you’re working on a side hustle – hire help before you think you can afford it. You will grow faster and more efficiently if you can create opportunities to outsource early and often. If you’re in a season where you’re pushing toward a creative goal, something else needs to give. Whether it’s asking for help with the kids, taking some vacation time just to focus on getting your book finished or giving up TV at night so you can start getting up at 5am to work before your day job – you have to give up something to make room for something else.

Asking for help is often the hardest thing for us to do, but we have to.

Women in particular aren’t great at asking for help and we can struggle with valuing our dreams. But here’s the thing – if you aren’t willing to value yourself and your desires, you won’t get where you want to go. Having a “me first” mindset is perfectly acceptable because it gives you the permission to pour into yourself before you spend the rest of your day pouring into other people and all the things you want to accomplish.

It’s okay to stop

If something is burning you out, the world won’t come to an end if you put down your passion for a while or forever. We hear so much about not quitting, but sometimes that’s the most loving thing we can do for ourselves. I went through this experience, continuing to push forward on something that was dragging me down.

It turned out that letting go was the best thing I could do in the moment, and I ended up opening myself up better opportunities!!

ADHD Burnout Takeaways

Be clear about what you’re going after and keep checking in along the way to make sure it feels right.
Get honest about your limiting beliefs and make a point of working through them (I find journaling and EFT to be very effective at working through them). It bears repeating – if you don’t get past yourself, you’ll continue to hit that mental and emotional brick wall instead of reaching your goals.
Be selfish about your dreams – invest in yourself and ask for help. You. Are. Worth. It.

The Best Job for Your ADHD Brains is Work You Love

July 20, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”.
Confucius

I don’t love that quote.

It not only goes against everything my parents valued (which was hard work at any cost), but it also creates a sense of failure if your job feels like work. And the truth is, I’ve never met anyone who actually has a job that doesn’t feel like a job. No one.

But for your ADHD brain, there’s some element of necessity to this statement. It’s more like “Do what you love and you won’t feel like your career is a string of misfit opportunities and personal failures”.

ADHD’ers simply can’t function if we can’t focus, and working at jobs that don’t fire up our brains can lead to mental torture, failure or both.

So how do ADHD brains find jobs we love?

Tip #1 = Identify what interests you.

For someone with ADHD that might be 472 different things (<- I can relate), but there are always a few that stand out. Typically, it’s the ideas or subjects that you keep circling back to after a cycle of distraction.

It’s also helpful to understand the intersection where your passions, talents and character strengths align. This is generally where you’re going to find sustained interest, rather than a fleeting flash-in-the-pan obsession (yes, we all have these).

Personally, I have a talent for writing, a passion for content creation and hope and optimism are high on my list of character strengths. All of these culminate into the creation of this website and my coaching practice.

Tip #2 – Think about personal struggles you’ve overcome.

Not only do you have intimate knowledge of how hard the struggle can be, but you have the compassion and confidence of having walked through it. That can be weight loss, trouble learning math, starting a small business, doing taxes or organizing a disorganized home. If you’ve lived that problem and solved it, that’s a good place to look for engaging work helping others do the same.

Tip #3 – Look for opportunities that play to your ADHD strengths, not your weaknesses.

We’re surprisingly good in a crisis because intense situations engage our brains. We’re also great at brainstorming, connecting dots and creative work (like blogging!).

We may or may not be great with keeping time, staying focused on repetitive tasks, being consistent, or organized(<-I suck so badly at this!). So look for careers that aren’t overly dependent on these qualities, unless you’re really good at them!

Get to know your ADHD strengths and blindspots

No two ADHD folks are exactly alike. We all have different strengths, weaknesses, interests and curiosities. Getting to know your strengths at work can be super valuable in finding the right work for you. I know that may sound like an obvious step, but often we don’t take the time to truly understand ourselves because we struggle to stay focused on what feels good and what doesn’t.

Our brains are wired to focus on whatever feelings are strongest for us and the reality is, we have a tendency to focus on negative thoughts and memories. This is true for everyone, but especially people with ADHD, when it comes to capturing our attention, bad is stronger than good. In psychology, this is known as the negativity bias and it’s alive and well in all of us.

Because of our negativity bias and our general distractibility, we may not notice when we’re doing work we enjoy or when we receive positive feedback on something we’ve done. That’s why it’s so important to create a practice of daily reflection and make a point to celebrate small wins. Ask yourself at the end of every day – what felt good today? When did I feel most engaged in my work? What felt good to work on today?

Journaling these reflections or using them as prompts for family dinner conversations is a great way to keep these ideas top of mind.

I can’t stress this enough – if you have ADHD, you have to be intentional about looking for your shining moments or they will be lost in the abyss of distracted thoughts. So write them down, reflect on them, and use them as data points for finding your ideal job and best work environment

Resources for Finding Your Strengths

Strengths Finder Test (Fee Based)
Via Charter Strengths (Free)
Kolbe test – (Fee Based)
Enneagram Test – (Free)

ADHD + FIRE: Why I Gave Up on Retiring Early

July 7, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

From the moment I heard about the F.I.R.E. movement (Financial Independence, Retire Early), I was hooked.

The idea of early retirement immediately resonated with me not because I wanted to stop working and do absolutely nothing all day, but because I wanted the freedom to do whatever I want – for the rest of my life.

Fast forward 5 years later and not only am I FIRE-eligible, but I’ve come to understand why I’m obsessed with the idea of financial independence and early retirement. It turns out – I’ve got ADHD, which is the perfect bedfellow for a life of freedom (with restraints).

The ADHD Brain at Work

After digging into my diagnosis, I was surprised to learn, people with ADHD (short for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) are never deficient in attention when it comes to things they are interested in.

It’s only when we have to concentrate on topics that don’t interest us that we’re at a deficit of attention. It’s scientifically proven that people with ADHD simply cannot derive adequate dopamine levels to pay attention to things that do not interest them.

For me, that’s admin tasks like banking, taxes, or paperwork of any kind. I also struggle with systems and processes to the point where it physically hurts me to try and conform to them. As a result, I’ve spent most of my corporate career trying to find a way out, even though I’ve worked for some amazing companies and had some pretty cool jobs.

What appealed to me the most about FIRE was being empowered to choose to work or activities that aligned with my personal interests. What I didn’t realize it at the time, because I wasn’t diagnosed until recently, was that I could manage my dopamine issues by indulging in pursuits that felt personally interesting and meaningful to me.

Once I reached the goal, the thrill lasted for about 3 months.

Then, Covid hit.

My Covid-Inspired ADHD Diagnosis

Six months before Covid hit, we sold our home in the Bay Area and moved to Austin, Tx. With that move, we had enough money to retire based on our lowered cost of living, even though we were both still working. (I should also point out that it has never been my husband’s goal to retire early. That’s 100% my obsession.)

When Covid hit, our lives came to a standstill. There were no more conferences, meetups, running groups, gym time… nothing. We were home 24/7 with very little to do but watch TV. Isolation made me realize just how much work played a role in my routine and personal interactions. Meetings, networking groups, and conferences were all a big part of my day-to-day life and when they all came to an end, I realized I didn’t have much else.

The other thing I lost during that time was any sense of structure. Work and home life blurred not just for me, but for everyone that I worked with.

It was over this period, with too much time on my hands and not enough structure to keep me on track, that my undiagnosed ADHD started to become obvious. I’m so grateful for a few women I follow in social media who were open about their ADHD symptoms. After realizing how familiar it all sounded, it was time to get diagnosed.

FIRE & Interest-driven Work

Research shows that ADHD folks thrive in interest-driven careers and need a lot of structure to stay focused. When I think about this in the context of my FIRE goal, I see they are both beautifully aligned and dangerously at odds.

The beautiful thing about FIRE is that you can choose to do whatever you want. If you don’t want to retire early (the RE in FIRE), you don’t have to. You can just choose to work at whatever interests you without any concern about income. As an ADHD’er, having the freedom to direct your delicate attention to whatever you want is the perfect set up. Dopamine for days!

But what if you just retire early and don’t give any consideration to how you will spend time? Unfortunately, too much free time and not enough structure is ADHD kryptonite. We need to have purpose and structured time to keep our minds focused.

This is not about being productive for productivity’s sake. It’s about managing our brain’s propensity to ruminate, obsess about the past and beat ourselves up when we’re distracted, unfocused or bored. These are hallmark symptoms of the ADHD brain spending too much time in the Default Mode Network (DMN), an area of the brain that lights up when we’re not focused on a specific task or goal.

Conversely, when we are immersed in goal-oriented tasks that feel meaningful and interesting to us, our brain stays in the Task Positive Network (TPN). When this area of the brain lights up, we are less likely to become distracted and fall into rumination cycles because our brains are focused externally.

ADHD Brains Need to Focus (aka Work)

The beauty of “work”, whether it’s employment, running a business or even unpaid work, is that it creates a natural structure that’s familiar and predictive. It also gives our brain’s something to focus on and a sense of purpose. For me, Covid provided a glimpse into life without structure and purpose and it turns out, I didn’t love it.

What I learned is that as someone with ADHD, I’m not very good at creating structure on my own, and it’s a challenge to follow arbitrary rules that are self-imposed. It turns out, I’m at my happiest when I have something to show up for and do, most days of the week.

This is when I realized that the FIRE lifestyle is not the best option for me.

The Road Ahead is Paved with Dopamine

Now that I’m realizing I’m better off working instead of not working, I need to think about what that looks like in terms of my career choices. I’m not sad about postponing retirement. Instead, I’m focused on finding work that quite literally lights up my dopamine pathways.

Fortunately, the work I do today (consulting/writing/coaching) is interesting to me and the theme of my job is enabling change – something I thrive on. No doubt, there will come a time where I’ll want to do something different, but for now it’s the right place for me.

The most important thing I realized throughout my 5-year FIRE journey and my ADHD diagnosis, is that working toward financial independence was and still is, the best decision I have ever made for myself. Besides my health (which I also work at daily), there is no greater expression of self-love than giving yourself the option to opt out of work if you want to.

So much of consumer marketing is focused on acquiring things in the name of self-care. We work so hard to earn a living, and our cultural norm is to reward ourselves for those efforts with purchases. Yet the best thing I’ve ever given myself is the freedom (through financial independence) to choose the life I want to live based on what’s best for me.

For that, I am so grateful.

My ADHD Diagnosis – A Journey To Thriving

May 31, 2021 by CM Leave a Comment

Today I’m sharing my ADHD diagnosis journey (and yes – it’s a journey!). If you suspect you might have ADHD, my story might help you take the next step. I hope it helps!

Now that I know what ADHD looks like, I can clearly look back over the first 50 years of my life and see where it showed up time and time again. Unfortunately, I wasn’t diagnosed as a child which is a common story among women.

Growing up in the 70’s there wasn’t a great deal of understanding around the causes and symptoms of ADHD, so it was typically only picked up in hyperactive young boys. Those of us who weren’t socially or physically disruptive in class were left to drift through school with mediocre results.

Fortunately, today teachers and medical professionals have a lot more awareness of the various symptoms of ADHD, both inattentive and hyperactive or combined type, so it’s more readily detected.

More and more, adult women are discovering they have ADHD when their kids are diagnosed, simply because the disorder is highly heritable (they say around 70 to 80% chance of inheriting it from parents). Since I don’t have kids, I had to find out through mentors I follow on social media. These are adult women who were brave enough to talk openly about their struggles that gave me the chance to relate and explore more.

How I First Became Aware of My ADHD

It started with listening to a podcast by Chalene Johnson. After listening to this episode that talked all about symptoms and struggles, I found myself thinking “me too!” to basically everything she said. It was that podcast that inspired me to dive in and learn everything I could (a typical ADHD trait).

So I started reading books (I recommend this one), listening to podcasts and learning all about the disorder. I also took a few online tests, which are not formal diagnostics, but another data point in my research arsenal.

At this point, I felt pretty confident that I had it. It explained a lot about my past, but also addressed some of the more recent issues I had been experiencing with memory and focus.

I probably would not have sought a formal diagnosis if I weren’t experiencing a new level of struggle in my day-to-day life. For although I’ve had ADHD my whole life, I also learned coping skills that helped me move from a total wreck in my earlier years to a thriving adult in my later years (I have so much to share on this).

Now that I’m in my 50’s and my hormones have started to change, my symptoms have become more notable, so I knew that getting a proper diagnosis was the right next step.

My ADHD Diagnosis – It’s a Journey!

Since I became aware of this problem during the pandemic, I was reluctant to set an appointment with a family doctor (not to mention that I don’t have one here in Texas). So I booked an online appointment with a psychiatrist. In retrospect, I would not advise this (as they will tell you to go get tested first), but it was free through my insurance provider, so I thought it was an easy first step.

Sure enough, the psychiatrist told me to find a neuropsychologist who worked specifically with diagnostics and start the testing process. I reached out to a few psychologists and ended up selecting the Austin Center for Therapy and Assessment simply because my options were limited.

Testing for Adult ADHD – What to expect

The first surprise I encountered was how long the process took. The assessment included a 1-1 interview with the psychologist, just to ensure that we were testing for the right thing (we were). Then, I had a full day of testing – the first part in their office, then I went home and did the remainder of the tests over zoom.

The tests were varied. They evaluated my attention, ability to focus and a lot of pattern recognition. Each test started off very easy, then got increasingly more difficult. At many points, I had to stop as the level of difficulty became too much for my brain (pattern recognition is not a strength of mine).

Then there was the 803-question survey that I had to fill out. It took hours! My husband also had to fill out a shorter questionnaire about my behaviors, just to get an external perspective.

Now that all the data is collected, I have to wait almost 2 months for my results. I should mention, I know without a doubt that I have ADHD, but the formal diagnosis will help me understand what type I have (inattentive, hyperactive or both) and the best course of action for treatment.

Cost Considerations for Diagnosing ADHD

I’m by no means and expert, but I can share how this went for me. As I mentioned before, I started by consulting a psychiatrist and that visit was free (although it didn’t get me very far).

I looked into private practice psychologists, but ended up going with a center that focuses specifically on testing and diagnostics. Based on my insurance report, my initial consultation with the psychologist was $200 and the actual testing and diagnostic was $3,300. However, my out-of-pocket expense has been under $100 so far, so I consider myself to be very lucky.

I don’t know if a family doctor is qualified to diagnose ADHD, but it might be worth starting there if you don’t have great medical coverage for specialists.

Self coaching my ADHD

Woman going through ADHD diagnostic process

While I’m in this waiting period, I am continuing to learn everything I can about coping, thriving and staying on task. I am open to medication as a treatment protocol, but what I have also learned is that exercise is the next best thing to meds in terms of managing ADHD symptoms. In fact, meds don’t work for some ADHD patients, so fitness (and mindfulness) is the next line of defense.

Anecdotally, I was a social, financial, physical and organizational mess before I found my fitness in my 20s. Once I got active, my (undiagnosed) symptoms started to become more manageable. I was more focused, intentional and much less impulsive.

I’m so grateful that I had the wherewithal to start working out. I’m not sure where my life would have ended up had I not taken this path.

Taking ADHD Coaching to the Next Level

I have always been a good self-coach. I’ve worked very hard to develop mindful habits that keep me on track with my personal goals. I’ve also been coaching women in fitness and nutrition since 2013, so I already have some solid coaching skills in my professional tool kit.

So as I wait for my formal diagnosis, I have immersed myself into ADHD life coaching, for personal personal development and for the benefit of my female clients who also suffer with this disorder.

My first class with ADDCA, the only certified ADHD coaching program recognized by the International Coaching Federation, is an intro course that has opened my eyes to so much about the disorder. The more I learn, the more I recognize myself in the material, and for the first time ever, I felt seen and validated.

The Impact of ADHD Awareness

If there’s one thing I know from first hand experience, there’s tremendous power in learning that your past mistakes are not character flaws (this is what I always believed). So many people with ADHD are told that they are lazy, unmotivated or a hot mess. In truth, they are none of these things – they just have a different brain that makes them think and behave differently. Once I learned this about myself, years of self-abuse instantly turned into self-compassion and acceptance.

To that end, I’m excited to continue this journey into learning how to leverage my wellness expertise to better manage ADHD, both for myself and my clients. What I now see clearly is that all my coursework, certifications and personal exploration into different wellness modalities have culminated into this beautiful perspective on how to address ADHD holistically.

So that’s where I am at! I have so much more to learn and share, but for now, I’ll leave you with an invitation to connect with me here if you want to learn more about how to live well with ADHD. Whether you suspect you have ADHD or perhaps you love someone who has it, knowledge is power and I want to share whatever I learn.

Thanks for reading!

This post first appeared on The Fit Habit (by the same author).