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If you live with ADHD as I do, then you probably suffer from being freaking exhausted all the time. Physically tired. Mentally tired. Emotionally tired. Even when you get a good night’s sleep.
And the reason isn’t that you’re lazy or stupid or doing life wrong. It’s that you’re running a marathon in your brain that not only other people can’t see, but very often you can’t see either. Meanwhile, all you really want to do is crawl back into bed and take a nap.
The Invisible Energy Drains of the ADHD Brain
The Everything Brain
One of the major reasons overarching all our exhaustion is that we see EVERYTHING with a similar sense of urgency and importance. We can’t filter or prioritize, so we just want to do everything. From this perspective, it’s easy to see why we’re naturally wired to be exhausted.
When we lack clarity on what we truly want, we pull our energy in too many directions at once, chasing shiny objects every day and getting nowhere with them—except completely flat-out exhausted.
Decision Fatigue on Steroids
Having too many options in life isn’t always a privilege. Sometimes it’s paralyzing.
Think about all the decisions we make daily—not just about eggs versus bacon or wearing a black t-shirt versus a white one. I’m talking about looking at social media and everything happening in 2025 and deciding:
- How we’re going to feel about it
- Who we’re going to talk to about it
- Whether we’re going to say anything
- How we might change our behaviors because of it
We’re taking in massive amounts of information and having to process it all. The ADHD brain struggles with filtering, making decision fatigue exponentially worse for us.
Rumination and Overthinking Loops
Nothing is more exhausting than replaying something you have no ability to change. But the ADHD brain loves to go back to:
- Conversations from yesterday, last week, or 10 years ago
- Berating yourself for not showing up the way you wanted
- Not saying the things you really wanted to say
- Saying too much when you wish you’d kept quiet
These rumination loops are incredibly draining, and they’re hard to escape once they start.
Perfectionism and Shame Spirals
There’s something you want to do, but executive function issues prevent you from task initiation or breaking it down or finding the right entry point. That alone is exhausting.
But then add:
- The layer of shame because you haven’t started yet
- The looming deadline and potential disappointment
- The fear of failure based on past attempts
- The inability to visualize “good enough”
Instead of moving forward, you spin in the shame of not starting. And that can take anyone down.
People Pleasing and Masking
When you’ve disappointed yourself and others in the past, the people-pleasing tendency emerges as a protective mechanism. You get stuck in an impossible situation:
- If you take action, you might disappoint
- If you don’t take action, you’ll definitely disappoint
This creates not just exhaustion but helplessness if left unchecked.
Then there’s masking—putting on that smiley face to “do the adult thing” even when you’re struggling inside. While sometimes necessary, when masking becomes your default mode, you never get those deliberate opportunities to be yourself and decompress.
From Awareness to Transformation
I know I’ve painted a pretty grim picture, but awareness is the first step to transformation. Once you realize why you feel so tired, you can do something to change it.
Start with Clarity, Not Behavior
Rather than trying to fix external behaviors, go inward and get clear on:
- What you truly want
- What your values are
- What your personal needs are
These insights will inform how you show up in the world.
For example, if I want to address my people-pleasing, I need to know how I want to show up in relationships, what boundaries I need, and whether my current relationships are working for me.
Address Unmet Needs
If something keeps looping in your head, it’s because there’s an unmet need or lack of resolution. Get curious about what’s really going on:
- Do you need a conversation with someone involved?
- Do you need to put distance between yourself and a situation?
- What responsibility can you take for addressing your own needs?
If you’re curious about understanding your needs – grab my free needs assessment.
Lean Into Your Character Strengths
Understanding your personal strengths gives you powerful tools to combat exhaustion. The VIA Character Strengths assessment from positive psychology can help identify yours.
Mine are love of learning, hope, gratitude, and humility. When I feel myself spiraling, I ground myself in:
- What am I grateful for?
- What could this situation be teaching me?
This won’t work for everyone, but leaning into your unique strengths can provide clarity when you’re feeling most depleted.
Use Tools That Support Your Brain
Chat GPT has become one of my go-to tools for getting perspective when I’m stuck in rumination. I’ll describe a scenario and ask:
- What can I learn from this situation?
- How can I get past this rumination spiral?
- What might be the unmet need here?
Having tools ready to help you get out of these exhaustion loops means you’ll be less drained at the end of the day.
Live with Intention, Not Reaction
Most of what makes us exhausted happens because we’re reacting to life rather than having clear intentions about what we want and how we want to show up.
This is where Vision to Action comes in (shameless plug for my planner!). It includes assessments for strengths, values, and personal needs so you can figure out what those are and start planning them into your day.
The biggest takeaway if you’re feeling exhausted all the time: Get clear on what you want, what your personal needs are, and your strengths. Become aware of what your brain is dealing with below the surface.
You may not be able to address everything at once, but each small action builds momentum. The more intentionally you show up for your life, the less exhausted you’ll feel—because you’re cutting through the noise and moving in the direction you actually want to go.
Ready to Feel Less Exhausted?
📝 TAKE ACTION: Grab the Vision to Action planner to discover your strengths, clarify your values, and identify your personal needs. Start planning with intention instead of living in reaction mode.
When you understand what’s important to you and how your unique brain works, you can create systems that support your energy instead of draining it. Get started today, and take the first step toward feeling less damn tired all the time.
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