Unmotivated with ADHD: A Coach’s guide to getting unstuck

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We all know that feeling of being suck or unmotivated, right? When you know what needs to change in your life, but for some reason, you just can’t seem to make it happen. It’s like your brain is doing mental gymnastics, constantly thinking about what you should be doing, but never actually doing it. Sound familiar? Well, stick around, because we’re about to unpack this feeling and give you some practical strategies to break free.

The Truth About Feeling Stuck

First things first, let’s talk about what’s really going on when you feel stuck. Here’s a mind-bender for you: that feeling of stuckness? It’s not actually a feeling at all. Surprise! 🎉

When we feel “stuck,” what’s really happening is that our brain is trying to protect us from something. It could be fear of failure, fear of success, fear of change, or even fear of the unknown. Your amygdala (that’s the part of your brain responsible for emotional responses) is essentially saying, “Whoa there, buddy! This change thing seems scary. Let’s just stay put where it’s safe and familiar.”

The Feeling-Action Disconnect

Now, here’s where things get interesting. Just because you feel stuck doesn’t mean you have to act stuck. I know, I know, it sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out.

Imagine waking up one morning feeling like your whole life is hopeless and you’re completely stuck. Now, you have two choices:

1. Honor that feeling by doing nothing and wallowing in stuckness.
2. Acknowledge the feeling, but choose to take action anyway.

Option 2 might sound tough, but trust me, it’s a game-changer. You can literally say to yourself, “I feel completely stuck right now, but I’m going to do these three things on my to-do list anyway.”

The Experiment: Doing Despite Feeling

Here’s a little experiment I want you to try:

1. Write down those small tweaks you’ve been wanting to make.
2. Choose one of them.
3. Do it, regardless of how you feel.

As you’re doing it, remind yourself: “I feel stuck, but I’m doing this anyway.” You might be surprised at how capable you actually are, even when your feelings are telling you otherwise.

Unpacking the “Impossible”

Now, let’s talk about those things that need to get done that feel impossible. If the tasks ahead of you feel like climbing Mount Everest, it’s time for a reality check.

When we’re dealing with ADHD or a particularly busy brain, our perception of task difficulty can sometimes be a bit… skewed. What seems like a small thing in theory might actually be a major undertaking for your brain.

Here’s what to do:

1. List out your tasks that are keeping you stuck or unmotivated.
2. Ask yourself – am I stuck because there’s no way I can do what I expect myself to do? In other words – am I being completely unrealistic?
3. If your tasks are too big, you’ve got to break each one down into the smallest possible steps. The smaller the step, the more likely you will be to do it (and get unstuck)
4. If a step still feels overwhelming, break it down further or ask yourself if there’s something else blocking you – like not wanting to do the thing, or not knowing how to do it.

By doing this, you’re giving your brain a more accurate picture of what needs to be done, which can help reduce that feeling of overwhelm, or a clear indication of what’s blocking you.

The Real Reason You’re Stuck

Okay, time for some real talk. If you’re feeling stuck and honoring that feeling by not taking action, we need to ask: what is this stuckness protecting you from?

Your brain might be keeping you “stuck” to protect you from:

• Potential failure
• Looking silly
• Rejection
• The discomfort of change
• The unknown

Take a moment to reflect: what might your stuckness be protecting you from? Understanding this can be a powerful first step in moving forward.

The Million Dollar Question: Do You Really Want It?

Now, here’s a question that might blow your mind a little: Do you want to have done the thing, or do you want to do the thing?

Let me give you a personal example. For years, I thought I wanted to be a marathon runner. I’d daydream about casually mentioning at parties that I’d run the Boston Marathon in under three hours. Sounds cool, right?

But here’s the truth: I’ve never run a marathon, and I probably never will. Why? Because I hate long-distance running! I was in love with the idea of being a marathon runner, not with the actual process of training and running marathons.

So, ask yourself: Do you want the outcome, or are you willing to do what it takes to get there? There’s no shame in realizing you don’t actually want to do the work. In fact, it can be incredibly freeing!

The Let-It-Go Experiment

Here’s another experiment for you: What if you just… let it go?

Try this:

1. Think about the thing you feel stuck about.
2. Imagine completely letting go of the desire to achieve it.
3. Pay attention to how you feel.

Do you feel relieved? If so, maybe it’s time to let that goal go. On the other hand, if the thought of letting go makes you think, “No way! This is important to me,” then you know it’s something worth pushing through the stuckness for.

Embracing Imperfect Action

One of the biggest hurdles I see with my ADHD clients (and, let’s be honest, with myself too) is the trap of perfectionism. We want to do things perfectly, so we end up doing nothing at all.

Remember, perfection is a limitation – not a result. You just have to start taking imperfect action. Start small, start messy, start imperfectly – but start.

Reframing Stuckness as a Stepping Stone

Here’s a perspective shift for you: What if feeling stuck isn’t a roadblock, but a stepping stone?

Often, we feel most stuck right before a big breakthrough. It’s like our brain’s last-ditch effort to keep us in our comfort zone before we level up. So next time you feel stuck, try thanking your brain for trying to protect you, and then gently pushing forward anyway.

The Power of Celebration

Last but definitely not least, let’s talk about celebration. And I don’t mean just celebrating the big wins.

Did you think about making a change? Celebrate. Did you write down one small step? Celebrate. Did you do one tiny thing towards your goal, even though you felt stuck? Throw yourself a party!

By celebrating these small wins, you’re training your brain to associate forward movement with positive feelings, making it easier to take action in the future.

Wrapping It Up: You’ve Got This!

Alright, my wonderful, capable, sometimes-stuck friends, let’s recap the key takeaways from our discussion:

1. Feeling stuck is often just a coping mechanism, not a true emotion.
2. You can take action despite feeling stuck.
3. If small changes feel impossible, they might not be as small as you think.
4. Stuckness often serves as protection from perceived threats or discomfort.
5. Sometimes we’re more in love with the idea of an outcome than the process of achieving it.
6. Letting go of a goal can sometimes bring unexpected peace and relief.
7. Imperfect action beats perfect inaction every time.
8. Stuckness can be a signal that you’re on the verge of growth.
9. Celebrate every tiny step forward, no matter how small.

Remember, you are not your stuckness. You are a vibrant, capable human with a busy, beautiful brain. Stuckness is just a temporary state, not a permanent condition.

So, what’s one tiny step you can take today, right now, even if you feel stuck? Whatever it is, I believe in you. You’ve got this! 💪🧠

And hey, if you want more support in your journey of unsticking yourself, don’t forget to sign up for my Sunday Setup email (link below). It’s packed with tips, tricks, and a healthy dose of cheerleading to keep your ADHD brain moving forward.