How to Figure Out What You Really Want in Life: 5 Proven Strategies That Actually Work

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Ever had someone ask you “What do you want?” and felt your mind go completely blank? Yeah, I’ve been there. A viewer recently asked me this exact question, and it got me thinking about my own journey. Having spent the first 50-ish years of my life doing things I didn’t want (talk about street cred in the wrong direction!), I’ve learned a thing or two about figuring out what you actually want versus what you think you should want.

So today, I’m sharing the exact strategies that helped me create a life I truly love. Whether you’re just starting out, in midlife, or beyond, these insights might just help you get clarity on what you really want – and finally go after it.

1. Get Crystal Clear on Your Needs and Values (And I Mean Really Clear)

Here’s something that blew my mind: I had never done a proper values or needs assessment until I went through my coach training. Not once. And let me tell you, it was a game-changer.

There’s a crucial distinction we need to talk about here: intrinsic versus extrinsic values. Intrinsic values are the things that genuinely matter to you as an individual. They’re your personal non-negotiables. Extrinsic values? Those are the shiny objects we see on social media or in our friends’ lives that make us think, “Ooh, I want that too!”

🎁 Want the exact tools I use for discovering your true values? Click here to request my free values and needs assessment worksheets. These are the same tools that helped me get clarity, and I want you to have them too!

Here’s the trap I see so many people fall into (and I was guilty of this for years): If you base your wants solely on external benchmarks – you know, the stuff you see others achieving or having – you’re setting yourself up for a massive disappointment. Sure, you might eventually get those things, but they won’t feel nearly as satisfying as you imagined. Why? Because they weren’t actually aligned with your intrinsic values in the first place.

2. Try the “Going Without” Experiment

This next strategy might sound a bit counterintuitive, but stick with me here. Instead of always focusing on what you don’t have yet, try experimenting with going without things you already have. Trust me, it’s illuminating.

Here’s what I mean: We’re all surrounded by stuff – physical items, routines, relationships, social media – but we rarely stop to question whether these things actually add value to our lives. The only way to really know what matters to you is to experience its absence.

Start small. Maybe empty out your purse for a week and see what you genuinely miss. Or go bigger – try a capsule wardrobe for a month or do a social media detox. It’s amazing how quickly you realize what truly matters when it’s temporarily gone.

3. Stop Being Afraid to Try (And Quit) New Things

Let me be really honest here: You’re never going to know what job you want until you’ve had some really crappy ones. You won’t know what kind of relationship works for you until you’ve experienced what doesn’t. This is where I see so many people get stuck – they’re afraid to try things because they might fail or look silly.

Here’s something I wish someone had told me when I was younger: It’s completely okay to try things and then quit them if they’re not for you. I used to beat myself up about this all the time. I’d try something new, realize it wasn’t my thing, and then feel guilty about “not following through.”

But here’s the truth: Our society’s obsession with “finishing what you start” is actually pretty ridiculous when it comes to personal exploration. How are you supposed to figure out what you want if you’re not willing to experiment? (Just maybe don’t invest your life savings in something before you’re sure you love it!)

4. Become a Researcher of Your Own Life Experience

This is where things get really interesting. Whether you’re 20 or 50, you’ve got a wealth of data about yourself just waiting to be analyzed. Think about the best periods of your life so far. What made them great? What about the hardest times? What were the circumstances around those experiences?

Here’s a personal example: When I reflected on the most satisfying periods of my life, I noticed an interesting pattern. During each of these times, I was working two jobs, and in at least one of them, I was deeply engaged in meaningful work. This helped me understand that having work I can pour myself into is crucial for my happiness.

Pro tip: If self-reflection isn’t your strong suit, use AI as a thinking partner. Seriously. You can input your experiences and have it help you identify patterns you might have missed. Sometimes an objective observer (even an artificial one) can spot things we’re too close to see.

5. Accept That This Is a Lifelong Journey

Here’s the reality check we all need: Life is a process of discovery. You’re never going to have it all figured out, and that’s actually okay. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s exactly how it should be.

Think about it: We expect 18-year-olds to know what they want to do with their entire lives. How ridiculous is that? I’m in my fifties, and I’m still figuring it out! The only difference is that now I actually enjoy the process instead of stressing about not having all the answers.

Gone are the days when people had one career for life, and honestly? That’s great news for those of us who get bored easily and love starting new things every few years. Your wants and desires are going to evolve as you grow and develop as a person. That’s not being fickle – that’s being human.

The Bottom Line

Figuring out what you want isn’t a destination – it’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery. The key is to stay curious, keep experimenting, and most importantly, stop putting so much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out.

Remember, your wants will evolve as you do, and that’s perfectly fine. The goal isn’t to find the perfect answer that will last forever; it’s to get better at recognizing what feels right for you in this season of your life.

So start with getting clear on your values (don’t forget to grab those free assessment tools!), try some experiments, and give yourself permission to change your mind as you grow. After all, the only “right” path is the one that feels authentic to you.

What’s your biggest challenge when it comes to figuring out what you want? Drop a comment below – I’d love to hear your thoughts and continue this conversation.