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As a life coach specializing in ADHD for over 3 years, I’ve seen my fair share of feedback and comments. The majority have been wonderful and encouraging, for which I’m truly grateful. But there’s one type of comment that has really gotten under my skin: the “must be nice” remark.
What’s Behind the “Must Be Nice” Mentality?
When someone leaves a “must be nice” comment, the implication is that they wish they could have or do whatever I’m talking about, but they believe they can’t. It’s a form of condescending bitterness towards someone else’s accomplishments or experiences. And it makes me want to censor myself, to make my content less aspirational so I can be more “relatable.”
Catching Myself in the Act
I recently had a humbling experience that made me realize I’m not immune to the “must be nice” mindset. When I heard about a $30,000 mastermind program, my immediate reaction was “Must be nice!!” It was a sucker punch of self-awareness – I too could find myself falling into that toxic thought pattern.
The Deeper Meaning Behind “Must Be Nice”
After that realization, I listened to 10x is better than 2x by Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy (<-such a great read) that shed even more light on the “must be nice” mentality. The authors explained that people who say this are often denying themselves the permission to go after what they truly want. The bitterness comes from seeing others go after what they want for themselves, but won’t allow themselves to pursue it.
An Invitation for Self-Reflection
This experience has become an invitation for me to look inward and have an honest dialogue with myself. What are the things I’m denying myself the ability to go after? What intrinsic desires and motivations am I suppressing? Addressing these questions, rather than limiting my own growth, is critical.
If you struggle to find clarity around your true wants and needs, I highly recommend checking out Vision to Action – a template that will help you organize your values, needs and strengths and get clear on how to align your goals with them!
Embracing Authentic Growth
As a creator, I’m no longer going to let the “must be nice” comments hold me back. I’m committed to being true to myself and my aspirations, even if they trigger some people. My goal is to inspire and empower, not to make everyone feel comfortable. The real work lies in each of us examining our own limiting beliefs and barriers to achieving what we truly want.
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