Mastering ADHD emotional dysregulation ☞ This is what I’m doing.

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If you find yourself having big emotional reactions to everyday life events, if you’ve ever been told you’re just a tad extra, or if you have a tendency to blow up when triggered or overreact to good news, then this post is for you.

Today, we’re talking about ADHD emotional regulation. I’ll share my personal journey and some practical tools that might help you maintain better emotional control, both in the long term and in those intense moments when you’re triggered.

What Does Healthy Emotional Regulation Look Like?

First, let’s start with a definition. According to Dr. Russell Barkley, healthy emotional regulation involves:

1. Being able to control or inhibit inappropriate responses to triggering situations.
2. The ability to self-soothe or downregulate your nervous system when triggered.
3. Managing your attentional experience in triggering situations. For example, can you stop ruminating and focus on what’s really important?
4. Organizing your emotions over time to achieve long-term goals related to triggering situations or relationships.

Regardless of our age, we all struggle with emotional dysregulation at some point. It’s not just an ADHD thing, it’s a human thing. Sometimes, we say or do things we regret. Yet, when you have ADHD and struggle with impulsivity and rejection sensitive dysphoria, these emotional reactions can be much more intense and harder to control.

My Journey with Emotional Dysregulation and ADHD

Let me share an example from a reader who talked about her struggles with emotional dysregulation. She writes, “When I get upset, I get very upset, to the point of no return pretty quickly. I end up depressed for days, crying and sleeping. I definitely suffer from the RSD part of ADHD. I feel like people don’t like me. I find that my husband doesn’t like me and any criticism I hear is so painful.”

These experiences can be viewed through the lens of emotional regulation (although they may also be impacted by conditions like anxiety or depression). When she gets into a state of dysregulation, she can’t control her impulses and struggles to self-soothe. What can she do in this situation to improve her emotional regulation skills and move from reactive mode to a more calm and intentional approach?

Practical Tools for ADHD Emotional Regulation

There are two ways to approach healthy emotional regulation. First, there are skills you need to practice in the moment when triggered. Second, there are tools to manage our nervous system better overall, so we’re less likely to react intensely when triggering situations occur.

For example, if you tend to have triggering arguments with family members and overreact, try this:

1. Recognize the Trigger: In the moment, if you can pause long enough to recognize what’s about to happen, you can change the trajectory of what happens next.
2. Take Deep Breaths: Next, take one or two deep breaths. It will help you self-soothe and downregulate.
3. Remove Yourself: If possible, remove yourself from the environment. Go outside, walk around the block. The act of walking can help you process raw emotion.
4. Ground yourself with 3-2-1: Bring yourself out of your head (rumination) and focus on the present moment by labeling 3 things you can see in your environment, 2 things you can hear, and one thing you can physically feel.

I know these tips may seem easier said than done, especially when you’re in the heat of the moment and struggling with impulsivity. But, I’ve found them to be incredibly helpful in my journey with ADHD.

Emotional Regulation through Interoception: My Personal Toolkit

I’ve been working on my interoception skills, which involve being in touch with what’s happening in my body. When a strong emotion first starts, it often starts in the body and moves upwards. If we can start feeling that emotion (such as anger or frustration) before it musters up, we have a better chance of interacting with it.

Here are a few practices that have been helping me:

• Yoga: Yoga has been a fantastic way to connect with my body and calm my nervous system.
• Heart Coherence Exercises: These exercises involve connecting with the emotions in your heart and being intentional about the emotions you want to have.
• Yoga Nidra or NSDR (Non Sleep Deep Rest): This practice helps to shift you into a state of deep rest, which can help manage reactivity.

Remember, these are just tools, not magic bullets. I’m not perfectly consistent with any of them, but I pick and choose depending on how I feel in the moment. The key is to be aware and know what tools you have at your disposal.

The Bottom Line on ADHD + Emotional Regulation

The more we can regulate our emotions, the more access we have to our prefrontal cortex, which gives us the ability to be thoughtful and intentional about the choices we make. The more thoughtful and intentional we are, the smoother and more easeful our life tends to be, which is what we all want at the end of the day, right?

But it’s so important to realize that managing ADHD emotional regulation is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to have big emotions. The key is learning how to navigate them in a healthier way. I hope sharing my journey and these tools can be a helpful resource on your own path.